Some Sad Words

I am stunned and in shock and don't know what to say yet. But this is my Facebook post from this morning. For now, it will have to suffice.

My sweet friend, Tyr Jósue Rousseau passed from liver failure last night. He was 36. I met him as a teenager and over the years grew to love and appreciate the beautiful human being he was. Loving and generous and just so, so kind. He became my confidant and companion in silliness. He was a delight. His demons were strong but he fought as hard as he could. His body failed him but his spirit was so strong. Love and deepest sympathy to his husband, Finor André Rousseau and his sister, Margarita Valencia. Love you both so much. Tyr will always be in my heart.

Now, a week later on April 23, I'm not quite in so much shock, although this past week has seemed like a very horrible dream. I thought I'd just write and see what happens. 

I met Tyr, as I said, when he was about 18 years old. He and his friends (George and Scorpion) would hang out behind the booth my business partners and I had at the Palm Springs Street Fair every Thursday night. The boys caught my eye because they were Goths but also because they were sweet when they bought incense from us. As time passed, I got to talking with them, especially Tyr, and he eventually joined me in the booth to help sell intense on Thursday nights. Between customers, we'd talk about anything and everything and came to know each other pretty well.

He and I started meeting up for lunch and/or a movie or just to browse Borders in Palm Desert. I was invited to his house and he pet/house sat for me in Yucca Valley when I had 7 cats. After the first time, he swore he'd never sleep in my house alone again; it spooked him. He also saved me from several computer tantrums, always patient with my low-tech knowledge.

Then came my obsession with the TV show, The Sentinel, and in particular with one of the stars, Garett Maggart. Tyr joined me for a charity event in Big Bear, California at the Moonridge Zoo (an animal refuge for injured wild animals that cannot survive in the wild and which has a different name now that they're moving to a new site: Big Bear Alpine Zoo). The zoo is Garett's chosen charity and every year fans of The Sentinel would get together for an online auction to raise money for the zoo. There was also an on site auction the day of the event. We raised well over $10,000.00 each year.

The first time Tyr and I went, in 2002, we had a great time looking at the animals and talking with fellow fans and just hanging out at a really cool place. The zoo was on a hillside with dirt and gravel terrain which could be a bit slippery. Without any fuss, Tyr would offer me his arm, worried that I might place a step wrong. He was like that, gave what was needed without any attention being paid to what he was doing or why he was doing it. He gave me dignity when I might have felt uncomfortable asking for help.

We waited in line for Garett's autograph and, as we drew closer to the front of the line, Garett had already mentioned the presence of another "dude" (the people who attended the even were mostly women) but when he finally saw Tyr clearly, the first thing he did was stand up and say, "Ozzy fucking Osborn!" See the picture below for clarification.

At the time, Tyr carried this lunchbox with him everywhere. He was seriously Goth. His hair was down to his waist but it was pulled back in this picture. Garett was fascinated with him and, ever after, I always teased Tyr that Garett liked him better, which never failed to make Tyr laugh. Even when I went to events alone, Garett would ask after Tyr. He made an impression everywhere he went.

By the following year, the Goth look had mostly faded away, leaving this beautiful face and knowing eyes revealed. This is a picture of Garett, Tyr and myself in 2003 at the Moonridge Zoo charity event. Garett insisted on all three of us being in the picture and was making jokes and all three of us were laughing so hard that this is the only picture of many that really came out clear, when one of us wasn't moving due to laughter. I think this was my favorite year in Big Bear.

As you can see in the picture above, Garett's about my height, which is far short of how tall Tyr was. So, in 2005, I guess he thought they had to be the same height. This is Tyr trying to be short and Garett trying to be tall. Tyr had cut all that beautiful hair off, too, and started wearing glasses. I took him to get his hair cut off and I think I cried the whole time; he just laughed, mostly at me.

And, finally, in 2006, the picture that embodies Tyr to a "T". He didn't want me to take his picture and actually refused to have a picture taken with Garett that year. He was feeling unattractive and had been depressed. It took some convincing to even get him to go with me that year. So, while he was sitting on a bench at the zoo, I just pulled out my camera and waited him out. He eventually looked at me and ducked away so I didn't get a picture of him at first. Then I got this one... with editorial comment.

I love this boy, this gentle man he grew into in front of my eyes. He was a website designer and did my website for me in exchange for tattoos (when I was a tattoo artist). I always enjoyed tattooing him because he complained the whole time but never wanted to rest when I offered. While tattooing winged lips on his thigh right above his knee, I heard some of the most creative cursing I've ever encountered. He called me names, laughing and crying and just generally trying to get through it any way he could. But he came back for more so it couldn't have been too horrible an experience! Such a good guy. So caring and generous and fun to be around.

I will always love him. Though he was 20 years younger than me, there was rarely an age issue. Once in a while he wouldn't get a reference I made -- and I often was clueless about things in his life, which he then taught me about -- but, other than that, we were equals. He went to a few plays with me. He came to my parents' house in Huntington Beach to help with computer problems. He called a few days after I had my 3rd neck surgery and was healing at Mom and Dad's. I was so out of it on pain meds that I didn't remember talking to him but I apparently talked to him for quite a while. *That* was something he always liked to bring up to tease me about.

Tyr meant the world to me. When he met Finor, I saw how happy he was. I saw how important this new man was to his life. And I kinda fell in love with Fin a bit, too, because he made my friend so happy. I attended their formal wedding at their house in Palm Desert. It was such a beautiful day. The yard was gorgeous, as were the grooms. I cried a bit, I'll admit. Fin came to be my friend, too.

When they moved to Portland, Oregon, our lives separated, as lives will when distance becomes involved. But I talked to Tyr on the phone and we e-mailed a lot. I saw him and Finor only a few months after I moved to Corona. They came to my house and we had a good time before they had to leave to drive home to Portland.

That was the last time I saw Tyr and I didn't talk to him much after that, either. Do I wish I'd been more insistent on communication? A little. But Tyr's life had gone in a direction I couldn't be part of and so did my life, veering off from his. I thought of him often, though, and continued to consider him a dear friend. I always will.

His passing has been extremely difficult to deal with and I don't know what will become of Finor. I worry about him now. I know Tyr would want him to be cared for and I will always care for Finl. He knows I'm here for him forever and always.

I will miss my sweet friend. I will always have regrets that he didn't get to experience more of life. But Tyr was someone who grabbed life and strangled every bit out of it he could. His life was as large as he was.

I've run out of words. I love you Tyr. RIP.