WARNING: Rant ahead!
The accusations of sexual abuse and misconduct rife in our politics today has brought many women to a place of courage that they have been searching for most of their lives. Announcing to the world that you are a victim of sexual abuse is not an easy or pleasant thing to undertake, even if that abuse happened 20, 30, 40 years ago. Such abuse never, ever leaves you. It scars you and feeds into who you become, how you interact with the world for the rest of your life.
People ask questions like: "Why didn't you report it at the time?" and "Why did it take so long for you to come forward with your accusations?" The simple answer is: "Take a look in the mirror and tell me how you feel about me making these accusations today." Their answer will be suspicion and disregard for anything the woman has to say. *She* becomes the target of investigation. *She* becomes the slut who drank at a party and was asking to be raped. *Her* life is torn open and flayed on the floor of public opinion while he gets the "boys will be boys" treatment. *This* is why women don't come forward.
After a sexual attack -- be it rape or attempted rape -- the only thing a woman wants is to forget, to erase the feel of the man touching her, to gloss over what happened to the point of even suppressing the memory. The last thing most victims want is to recount what happened to the police (who are usually male) or go to the ER for treatment where they'll be dehumanized further by being exposed to an exam and possibly a rape kit. Reporting a rape is the last thing a victim wants.
So, when something occurs later in her life that brings that event back vividly, it is *normal* to want to speak up. Perspective grants clarity and desperation can grant courage to face that attacker, to bring the event into the light so that someone with that kind of temperament doesn't end up in a place of power or influence. Say, like the US Supreme Court. Clarence Thomas has been sitting on the Court for 26 years as of 2018. Anita Hill stepped forward to tell the nomination board that Thomas sexually assaulted her and she was turned into a raving harpy by the men hearing her testimony. Had she been making her accusations today, I don't think the public would doubt her at all.
Since so many women have come forward in recent years (whether the subject is Bill Cosby or Donald Trump), I think the sheer number of victims coming forward is its own proof that there is a "boys club" attitude in this country that insists "boys will be boys" and "girls need to shut up and do what they were put on this earth to do".
There are supposed Christian leaders spewing this attitude, that boys are just young and full of hormones and if a girls doesn't want to be attacked she should stay home with her knees glued together and not venture out in the world where men deserve to be men. Apparently that includes rape as a "normal" thing. There are no repercussions for "boys" (I'm not sure a 17 year-old is still a boy) who perpetrate these crimes, no consequences. And that teaches them that it's okay. That behavior, having been given the stamp of approval by a bunch of old men, then becomes normalized and these males who attack women when they're young end up having no respect for women when they grow older.
Dozens and dozens of women I know have spoken up on Facebook and Twitter. They've said #MeToo. They've said #EnoughIsEnough. Why are they speaking up now? Because they're not alone anymore. We all know women who've been assaulted. If this was anything but a crime against women, the entire world would have put a stop to it by now. But because it *is* a crime against women, it doesn't seem to matter.
I have experienced this myself. I have personally seen how a male's needs/wants superseded my own only on the basis of gender. *He* was more important than me, a mere girl/woman. But it always rubbed me the wrong way. I knew, even when I was a naive and innocent child, that it was wrong that I was bullied and abused and disregarded. It didn't seem to matter much that I was terminally shy because I had learned not to trust men. I wasn't as important as the male involved. His needs, desires, wants absolutely came before mine.
That shyness turned into major trust issues with men, issues I have to this day and I'm 59 years old. I still haven't spoken to anyone about what happened to me when I was young. I probably never will. And so I seem odd, a bit antisocial and weird to others. They can't understand why I don't have a life mate, why I live alone and always have since I was 19. *This* is why. I have no trust of men in general and for very, very few in specific. To an extent, I'm afraid of men -- not physically as much as emotionally. My mind pulls up all those ridiculous lessons I learned as a child: I'm a female so I don't matter.
